Fall comes early and summer leaves as a storm with the car keys.

What can I say? My sweet freedom is coming to an end. Time flew and I didn't do half the things I said I would. Or maybe I did.
I said I wouldn't be a vegetal this year, which I wasn't. I don't think I had ever been out that much on holidays, maybe in the daylight and not at night as I planned, but still.
I've met incredible people, I've found somebody to love, I have felt things I'd never felt before, I have learnt so much about myself, somehow I feel like I've grown.
Then I wonder why I feel like I have had no holidays and I feel like I'm still stressed out. First I think it's because I didn't enjoy them much, because I didn't go on a getaway to clear my head.
But then I think that perhaps it's because I enjoyed them too much, because I almost didn't spend one single day doing nothing.
All I know is that I don't want to see myself falling in the old routine again. For the first time in my life I can say that I can't wait to finish highschool although I'm scared about what comes after that.
I don't know, I'm always smiling but I rarely ever feel joy.
I want to enjoy life...

I just don't know how to.