I am Rose and this is my soapbox

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Fall comes early and summer leaves as a storm with the car keys.

What can I say? My sweet freedom is coming to an end. Time flew and I didn't do half the things I said I would. Or maybe I did.
I said I wouldn't be a vegetal this year, which I wasn't. I don't think I had ever been out that much on holidays, maybe in the daylight and not at night as I planned, but still.
I've met incredible people, I've found somebody to love, I have felt things I'd never felt before, I have learnt so much about myself, somehow I feel like I've grown.
Then I wonder why I feel like I have had no holidays and I feel like I'm still stressed out. First I think it's because I didn't enjoy them much, because I didn't go on a getaway to clear my head.
But then I think that perhaps it's because I enjoyed them too much, because I almost didn't spend one single day doing nothing.
All I know is that I don't want to see myself falling in the old routine again. For the first time in my life I can say that I can't wait to finish highschool although I'm scared about what comes after that.
I don't know, I'm always smiling but I rarely ever feel joy.
I want to enjoy life...

I just don't know how to.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

I want to be better than your head's only medicine.

During the past few months conversations have changed. Suddenly nobody cares about how I feel, if I go out with friends, if I'm doing good at school. No, I'm at an age where all they ask is "What are you going to study after you graduate?". I can't even count the times I've been asked that in 2009 and this past month, and my answer's always the same: "I don't know yet".
After being asked that for the 4736578235273th time, I started thinking about people's choices...why do I find it so hard to figure out what I want to do with my life while others get the answer in a second? Please correct me if I'm wrong.. but all of those kids who go to law school, who study accountancy, biology, some weird engineering thing, are they really studying what they REALLY like? Cause I can't really imagine someone saying that being an accountant is their dream. So maybe it's because most of the kids go for the easy ones, the careers that everyone studies. On the other hand, I am listening to my inner child who loved cooking and dreamt of being in Gourmet tv shows. Even though I'm lazy and I never cook, it's what I have always wanted to do. So I'm going for gastronomy. Or it could also be Tourism since I've always dreamt of travelling around the world too. Or maybe english-spanish translation because you know how much I love leaning English and translating. Or a flight attendant! or I could study a couple of those and mix them.

I am following my dreams... are you?