Frozen face.

Today was my last day of what we could call happiness. I woke up sad, but at the same time I felt good because my mouth felt okay and I would see my friends and boy in the afternoon. Turns out I saw no one and now my whole face hurts so much I want to cry it away.
I realized that going to school isn't what will bother me this time, but now having time to see the people I want to see. I've become so close with so many people this time and I don't want to stop seeing them, I was having so much fun, I was doing so many things I hadn't done before, and now it will have to stop or at least it won't happen that often.
But we'll manage...
we'll manage.

Fall comes early and summer leaves as a storm with the car keys.

What can I say? My sweet freedom is coming to an end. Time flew and I didn't do half the things I said I would. Or maybe I did.
I said I wouldn't be a vegetal this year, which I wasn't. I don't think I had ever been out that much on holidays, maybe in the daylight and not at night as I planned, but still.
I've met incredible people, I've found somebody to love, I have felt things I'd never felt before, I have learnt so much about myself, somehow I feel like I've grown.
Then I wonder why I feel like I have had no holidays and I feel like I'm still stressed out. First I think it's because I didn't enjoy them much, because I didn't go on a getaway to clear my head.
But then I think that perhaps it's because I enjoyed them too much, because I almost didn't spend one single day doing nothing.
All I know is that I don't want to see myself falling in the old routine again. For the first time in my life I can say that I can't wait to finish highschool although I'm scared about what comes after that.
I don't know, I'm always smiling but I rarely ever feel joy.
I want to enjoy life...

I just don't know how to.

I want to be better than your head's only medicine.

During the past few months conversations have changed. Suddenly nobody cares about how I feel, if I go out with friends, if I'm doing good at school. No, I'm at an age where all they ask is "What are you going to study after you graduate?". I can't even count the times I've been asked that in 2009 and this past month, and my answer's always the same: "I don't know yet".
After being asked that for the 4736578235273th time, I started thinking about people's choices...why do I find it so hard to figure out what I want to do with my life while others get the answer in a second? Please correct me if I'm wrong.. but all of those kids who go to law school, who study accountancy, biology, some weird engineering thing, are they really studying what they REALLY like? Cause I can't really imagine someone saying that being an accountant is their dream. So maybe it's because most of the kids go for the easy ones, the careers that everyone studies. On the other hand, I am listening to my inner child who loved cooking and dreamt of being in Gourmet tv shows. Even though I'm lazy and I never cook, it's what I have always wanted to do. So I'm going for gastronomy. Or it could also be Tourism since I've always dreamt of travelling around the world too. Or maybe english-spanish translation because you know how much I love leaning English and translating. Or a flight attendant! or I could study a couple of those and mix them.

I am following my dreams... are you?

It's not what it seems in the land of dreams

Why do I always talk before I think, run before I walk, fall before I look?

I guess I'll never know.

Surfed out brain waves flick back and forth.

The other day my mum woke me up early in the morning to ask me if I wanted anything from the supermarket. I have no idea what I told her, all I know is that she came back with a bunch of nice things to eat that I don't even know if I told her to buy for me. That afternoon I saw a documentary about this 6 year old little girl who had had the right hemisphere of her brain pulled out of her head because she had something like epilepsy or something of that kind. Because of that she couldn't control the left side of her body and you could tell how big the effort she made to move her left hand was and still her hand wouldn't move.
So I compared both situations, mine and hers, and my conclusion was: the human brain doesn't make any sense. How come sometimes it makes us do things that we don't want to do/even know we're doing and in other cases it won't let us do what we want and what we're telling it to do?

Maybe I just think too much.

I know I never do what you tell me to do, I know I never listen to you, I know I'm lazy, I know I don't help much, I know I drive you crazy and make you mad... but you're the best person on this planet and even though I feel embarrased most of the times, you have no idea how good I feel when I share everything with you.
I'd be lost without you.
I love you, mum.

I'm having the time of my life and I'm not going to let you make it rain on my parade.